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Experiencing rejection, especially when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. An editor is saying no, delivering a definite “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced pitching articles 50 years back, upon completing my studies. Over the years, I have had several works turned down, along with book ideas and many essays. During the recent two decades, focusing on commentary, the rejections have multiplied. On average, I get a setback every few days—adding up to over 100 annually. Overall, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. Today, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

But, is this a woe-is-me rant? Not at all. Because, now, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: Now, just about every person and others has rejected me. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—doing so would be very discouraging.

For example: recently, an editor nixed 20 articles in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, at least 50 publishing houses declined my memoir proposal before one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 representatives passed on a project. An editor even asked that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections were painful. I felt attacked. It was not just my work being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a piece was rejected, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? Why would they be ignore my skill?
• Second, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to judge on my work? You’re stupid and their outlet is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably mixed with false hope). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, despair. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Precedents

Of course, I was in excellent fellowship. Tales of authors whose books was originally turned down are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was initially spurned. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the last 60 years had earlier failed in elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his movie pitch and bid to star were declined 1,500 times. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and persevere, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

As time passed, when I entered my senior age, I reached the final phase of setback. Understanding. Currently, I grasp the many reasons why someone says no. For starters, an publisher may have just published a like work, or have one underway, or just be contemplating something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my submission is not appealing. Or maybe the editor feels I lack the credentials or reputation to be suitable. Or isn’t in the business for the wares I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and read my work too quickly to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an epiphany. Everything can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually nothing you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are permanently not up to you.

Within Control

Additional reasons are under your control. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be flawed. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being too similar. Or a part about my punctuation, especially semicolons, was offensive.

The point is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve published several titles—the initial one when I was 51, another, a autobiography, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have featured in magazines big and little, in diverse platforms. My debut commentary appeared when I was 26—and I have now submitted to many places for five decades.

Still, no bestsellers, no author events publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no speeches, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more readily take rejection at 73, because my, admittedly modest successes have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can now be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you listen to what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will probably just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What insights have I acquired?

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